Disowning an adult child?

Question

I have a severely evil and angry sociopathic daughter. I haven't seen her except on a very rare occasion since she was 12.
Due to an abusive situation by her dad combined with a brain injury at age 9 she has serious mental issues. She's now 31 and over the years she has manufactured delusional fantasies about the past and has recently started contacting my 19yo daughter (whom she hadn't spoken with for years) with rants about me in relation to her delusions.

Over the years she was abusive to her now 19yo sister, past boyfriends, her ex-husband, her brother and her 4 young children. (for instance she would beat her daughter with a belt because she wet the bed).

It's difficult to describe the mindset because she is exactly like her father in that respect. He could sell a deep freezer to an eskimo. She is manipulative and well spoken and besides the ranting lies about me and our 'supposed' past, she's now trying to lure my 19 yo in. To what end I don't know, but from what I know about her from the past it's more like a trophy to her (to hurt me) than anything.

I personally don't want anything to do with my oldest. But I'm concerned that her savvy at manipulation and half truths, and subliminal put downs (of me) will wear on my daughter.

My youngest is a great person with lots of potential. We're not in a perfect position but we're working at getting out of it. I can only assume it's a facebook or blogger post that triggered this need to swoop in and assume she can prey off of her.

I need to know what options I have. I just want her out of our lives. Can I sue? She's made some pretty serious comments about me. I just want her to leave my youngest alone, but at 19 obviously she's considered an adult. However, she wants to turn my youngest (who I've raised single-handedly) against me with lies. It's stressful and not what we need right now because of the negative distraction and potential harmful effects of the covert brainwashing.

A restraining order? What can I do? I mean, like I said, I DO trust my daughter, I just don't trust the oldest one.

Answer 1

You can't restrain 2 adults from contact. There is nothing you can do to force anything.



The 19 year old is an adult and can stop the contact if she wishes. She could obtain a restraining order, not you.

Answer 2

The 19 year old has to want the 31 year old sociopath out of her life. If the sociopath contacted her through facebook, the 19 year old should block her. If the sociopath is stalking her and the 19 year old feels threatened by her, the 19 year should get an order of protection against her.



Sociopaths crave attention, positive or negative. They measure their worth by how many people are talking about them or complaining about them. They are paranoid and delusional. They cannot accept responsibility for any wrongs, but will find someone or something else to blame. I don't know if they actually believe their lies, but they will say anything in the moment to further their agenda. Sociopaths are charming and charismatic, but they eventually show their true colors.



The best way to get rid of a sociopath is to treat every contact from them with calm indifference. They are looking to get you emotionally involved and connected with them, so when they don't get that feedback of negative or positive attention, they will move on and seek other admirers and victims. If you trust your 19 year old daughter, just counsel her to block contact when she can and use the calm indifference when she has to speak to the sociopath.



There is no legal way for you to initiate a break between the two daughters. The 19 year old, as an adult, has to do it for herself.

Answer 3

You don't really have many options.



You can and should write a will to specifically disinherit her.



But you don't have a basis to get a restraining order. It doesn't sound like she's contacting you. She's not threatening you, right?



You don't have the ability to get a restraining order on behalf of your 19 year old adult daughter. And your oldest daughter is absolutely entitled to have an extremely negative attitude about a mother who got pregnant with an abusive man and then abandoned her when she was 12. Sorry, but sometimes you reap what you sow.

Answer 4

There is nothing you can to do prevent the oldest from contacting the 19 year old. If the 19 year old wants a restraining order or a no contact order, she is the one who needs to petition the court for that.

Answer 5

well, that's one F'ed up story. I'm assuming the "lies" are about I don't know rape/abuse or something damaging of that nature. But she could actually believe them to be true. Its been well documented under hypnosis and other situations, that people can fabricate repressed memories. People have been sent to jail and have had to go to court to protect their good name, off these "memories". Slander or defamation of character are things you could sue for in civil court, but you could sue for anything and I think a restraining order would be most helpful, but you can't get one for your youngest, being an adult, without her consent and her filing it. I think that crazy ladies actions over the years should speak for her character enough that your youngest would overlook them, unless she has experienced some truth herself.....

Answer 6

It's up to your 19 y/o if SHE wants to do something. If you DO trust her then talk to her about the oldest and ASK HER to be careful in talking and believing her. BOTH of your daughters are adults and therefore get to make their own decisions.

Answer 7

O_O. properly i'm no longer a specialist on such concerns yet given which you're her discern then you truly ought to no longer be taken off her beginning certificates, it truly is maximum probable everlasting. And merely curious, what in gods call ought to she have executed to shame you?

Answer 8

Besides legal avenues, I think you should put enough trust in the19 yr old so that she won't be influenced by brainwashing tactics. You say you trust the 19 yr old, but if you have communicated clearly to the 19yr old and REALLY REALLY trust her, I think you should be confident in her and that she will understand.



Basically, give the 19yr old enough credit, enough respect that she is trustworthy, and that you are confident in her to not be influenced.