Question:
Is it ok to spank a child in public?
?
2015-10-18 13:21:08 UTC
I have current temporary custody of my 11 year old nephew. Yesterday while at the mall, he began to throw a tantrum in the middle of Target. He was not allowed to get a toy, while we shoppe for a birthday present for his cousin, and basically blew up. I spanked him right there in the toy aisle, and made him stand facing a wall while I finished browsing in that area. He cried a bit, but after I was done, he came with me and we had no more problems for the rest of the trip. The thing is, several people were staring at me after I spanked him, and gave me dirty looks. A few kids who were in the aisle with us scattered. One lady even told me I deserve to go to hell. I didn't see it as an issue, but is it not OK to spank your child in public?
151 answers:
?
2015-10-19 09:25:17 UTC
I would have personally taken the child to the restroom to do so. You never know who's watching. Some people are ridiculous and will turn you in for "abuse". I believe spanking is an acceptable last resort punishment. I was spanked as a child, and it never left any marks on my emotional well being. Nor did it even make me think hitting other people was ok. Maybe because it was never done in anger and I was always explained to why I was getting spanked calmly.
Jedi Jan
2015-10-18 21:51:42 UTC
No, I am not into spanking at all. It was enough for my son to have to listen to my "torturous" telling offs. I once told my son that others have parents that spank instead of that, and would he have preferred that and he did take his time coming up with the answer no. Later though, he digressed, and asked to be spanked rather than listen to the cursory telling off. I did try but I was just no good at it, and told him it hurt my hands more than him. We fortunately did not have to try that routine again as I just didn't have the heart to do that properly (whatever that means).



In your situation, I feel something is terribly amiss for the 11 year old, and spanking was probably the worst thing for him really. He probably already suffers from a poor self esteem, in that he already has lost both his parents, so he is carrying around all this self imposed guilt. It sounds rather wrong that an 11 year old would throw a tantrum; perhaps there is a disability there somehow. It would have been better if you had left the store and sat yourselves down outside, with no commenting, while he got over the tantrum. Then, when his tantrum has subsided you will then explain that you will not tolerate that kind of behaviour, that in future if this continued he would have to remain at home, with a carer, until your return. So, either stay home (with carer) or behave appropriately and accompany you.



At no point should you ever give into such tantrums I agree. But, just your method of obtaining the correct behaviour, is what I disagree with. He should be receiving some kind of emotional trauma therapy for sure, as he has issues that he needs assistance with. Sounds like you will have to reapproach the idea of "rewarding the good behaviour and ignore the bad" as with toddlers, but a burly 11 year old would surely be more difficult to ignore.



When my son tried a few tantrums out as a toddler I would avert my gaze. When the brief (as he never got what he wanted that way) tantrum was over I would ask him quietly if he wanted a drink, and he usually did, and the matter was over. When he was a little older he decided to try to lie on the floor (in the middle of an aisle) and refuse to move trick. Imagine what that is like at a supermarket! I immediately became engrossed in all the items on the nearby shelves and ignored him. Yes, we had a few looks too (what a terrible mother!). One lady even came over and asked him if he was okay; his response (priceless) "Yes, of course." What a silly lady!
jesse
2015-10-19 02:04:39 UTC
Spanking a child is idiotic. No intelligent person would hit their child as punishment. So you're trying to teach a small human with an undeveloped brain how to function in society right? And your answer is hit them when they do something you don't like?? What is the lesson here?? When someone does something you don't like you hit them? Seriously?? Human beings are so stupid I can't even deal any more.

EDIT- I will give some practical advice, I have 2 sons 12 & 13 who are amazing kids. Now if your child tantrums in public, you just LEAVE, simple as that. My son had a tantrum at 2 and we left right then and there and drove home. You know what? He stopped having a tantrum. Did I have to hit him? No. The fact your nephew is having tantrums at 11 years old shows whoever raised him did a poor job. Why don't you fix it instead of making it worse?
John
2015-10-18 16:18:01 UTC
If the situation is severe enough YES. In your described TANTRUM situation the better action

would have been "haulin' the kid away" for a SEVERE talking to -- here's how. You're BOTH

in public. When you HAUL him off he'll see that "the public knows" he's going to punishment.

That's Embarrassing! Once you're "out of view" and have his full attention ask "THEY ALL SAW

you hauled >in here< (or >out here<) so they think "he's gonna get it!" How do you feel now?

Want to keep acting up? Do you want MORE embarrassment?"



IMMEDIATE Public spanking isn't necessary UNLESS the misbehavior causes or might cause

DAMAGE or Injury. The spanking "interrupts" the misbehavior. You should be able to stop tantrums

with the "MOM Voice" on an eleven year old (actually 8 or older; often 6 and older).

By 7 and 8 years children SHOULD KNOW when to stifle their urges once you've said "NO!". IF

spanking becomes necessary by further misbehavior take it Private. In Public you add Humiliation

and that instills resentment not correction.
curmudgeon55
2015-10-19 14:13:11 UTC
Depends on situation- if the child is getting dangerous or likely to be endangered if his attention isn't firmly gotten- then a whup on the *** is preferable to a whuppin upside the head. Minimum spanking needed to get attention, stop the risky behaviour- so yes. How about spanking a 30 something druggie? That admits she deserves it? As alternative to another felony charge? Did something like that last weekend. Duct taped ankles to prevent further running into traffic, maybe saved police a lot of paperwork for 'dead child playing in traffic', police agreed about that. Spank some teenagers when they are drunk or stoned, getting close to edge of roof or traffic?- done that and some firmer discipline last year , but they are still alive yet.
?
2015-10-19 12:07:16 UTC
If the child has respect for the caregiver at home with consistent rules and consequences, the child will not misbehave in public. Simply as that. I took care of my neighbor's kids once because she could not find any friends or family members that wanted to watch them, should have been a clue. The little seven year old boy was calling his little sister very degrading curse words and throwing shoes at her, after repeatedly enforcing one disciplinary method after another with no luck, he hit and cursed at me. I spanked his little butt once as hard as the palm of my hand allowed. Same thing I would have done with my very own kids. He had a complete look of shock in his face like no one had ever spanked him a day in his life. After a short cry he behaved for the rest of the day, was helpful, respectful and very nice. I do not recommend spanking as the first resort to anyone and believe that if spanking is the only form of discipline you use it will hurt the child in the long run. If you're still spanking your teen, you need a good self analysis because you're the one that needs to grow up and be a parent.
Elle
2015-10-19 12:39:53 UTC
Spanking is no longer a good form of discipline especially in public but sometimes when you gotta... I mean people scream and judge so much if they see someone do that now a days but children get away with way too much and there's a BIG difference between abuse and discipline, next time someone says that to you tell them this " let me know how you feel when your child becomes a serial killer or the rudest brat ever that drains your wallet till you die since they're good for nothing because you weren't strong enough to discipline them "

However, For the future though maybe avoid doing it in the store just find another way to discipline him in public but at home you do what you want. Because look at how much people never touch their kids nor raise them and just stick them in front of the tv and look at how bad kids are nowadays they behave terribly I mean you walk past a preschool for god sake and 4 year olds give you attitude or even the finger! It is getting very bad so don't feel bad one bit bout what you've done because you've done nothing wrong. if anything people should follow you're example!
leo
2015-10-19 01:50:14 UTC
Spank a child in public or private area are discipline, for me what ever people says I don't care because i love my children, and discipline is part of life. But the most important is don't ever forget to explain why you spank him or her so the child or kid will remember that they should always be behave and don't forget to respect others.



I read an English saying, I'm not sure if i remember it exactly. "5 minutes in the corner is better than 5 years in prison" sometime if you discipline a child they make tantrums go to corner and stay there in a couple of minutes, that is the time they think of what they have done wrong, they will remember it they will learn from it.



there is a verse in the bible it says:

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
?
2015-10-18 22:52:49 UTC
I wouldn't do it in public (or where others can see), people now think spanking is abuse and you don't want to risk losing that child cause someone stupid took it to far. I have 3 children if one is bad I normally give 3 warning then a tap not hit tap on the hand if still mis behaving depending on what public place we are at I would quietly take him/her to the bathroom and give them two spanks on the bottom.
Jordan
2015-10-18 15:25:15 UTC
I wouldn't do it in public (or where others can see), people now think spanking is abuse and you don't want to risk losing that child cause someone stupid took it to far. I have 3 children if one is bad I normally give 3 warning then a tap not hit tap on the hand if still mis behaving depending on what public place we are at I would quietly take him/her to the bathroom and give them two spanks on the bottom.
John
2015-10-20 05:14:37 UTC
I was spanked as a child and I turned out just fine. If I saw you spank your child in public, I would think nothing of it. HOWEVER, I honestly think spanking is not the answer. Once you spank your kid, they start to cry really loudly and chuck an even bigger tantrum so I don't see the point.
Gina C
2015-10-24 02:38:25 UTC
As the first of these articles admits, "It is not PC to spank your children", and yet most parents do. The problem you are having here is that you JUST got custody of a child, who probably has just had some hard times (or he would be with his parents - merely not being with parents IS a hard time), and you have not had the opportunity to establish your limits for acceptable behavior.... and he has not had time to test YOU! Personally I think you passed the test: he cannot embarrass or intimidate you into tolerating unacceptable behavior, he knows you mean it, and you will not bribe him to act decently. An 11 yo should not need to be spanked, but then an 11 yo should not be throwing a fit in a store... and an 11 yo KNOWS it. I would not spank a very young child for throwing a fit: A young child has less self control, and what I would call "body-English" is a better solution (you just pick them up and carry them about like luggage and ignore it, or leave, whichever seems most necessary. I would have a little chat with this 11 yo about how people will judge him by his behavior in public, because that is all they can know of him... they cannot see what a fabulous and brilliant person he is if he acts like a spoiled and ugly baby. That he is old enough to ask politely for what he needs or wants, but he is also old enough to live with disappointment or delay, and that you would be happy to explain the reasons for disappointment or delay in meeting his requests, but that does not mean your word is negotiable. That YOU forgive him, but the world is not so forgiving, and people who saw him throwing that fit will not think well of him if they see him again. Explain that you understand he has had a (hard time, big change, whatever) and is unsettled... but there are things you cannot do with him, and places you cannot take him if he is disruptive, and until you are sure he has settled in and got his self control back, you WILL not take him to these places or do these activities. You are on his side, and you have faith that he is hiding a gentleman in there, and you would prefer to never spank him again, but that is really up to him. Meanwhile remember that he is almost too old to spank, and keep it a *really* clear line... because kids are very sensitive to injustice, and easily outraged. You don't want to end up with a teen who thinks of you as a hateful bully... because BOY can THAT be a few years in hell.



http://healthland.time.com/2011/06/28/would-you-record-yourself-spanking-your-kids/

http://articles.latimes.com/2011/dec/26/health/la-he-spanking-pro-con-20111226

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/discipline/spanking/spanking-discipline-debate/
Victoria
2015-10-19 01:57:37 UTC
Personally, I would never land a hand to a child under any circumstance, because it can cause them to feel insecure at a later age. Here are a few examples that I would take, I would sit a child down and calmly explain that their behaviour is completely inappropriate and I would teach him or her the right way to act in public.

Spanking a child teaches children that aggression is acceptable, and they may react violently to others when they do not get their way. It is a cycle that could be self-destructive.
2015-10-19 13:25:23 UTC
Spank = OK

Spank in public = probably not

Take them to a secluded area if you want to spank them.



That all depends on what level of spanking. Hard hit make pain spank or hit on the butt to let them know you are not happy with their behavior.



The latter is fine for public, but a hard hit or obviously pull pants down for skin to skin contact is not.
Jose
2015-10-18 20:50:00 UTC
I have to say, 11 is a bit old for spankings. It also seems a bit old for temper tantrums to manipulate a grown adult into buying a toy. There seem to be some issues here. Please be kind to him and to yourself during this time. As for the people in the store, they threw an adult version of a temper tantrum. Too bad you couldn't spank them, haha!



You did the best you knew how at the time and you did not deserve comments that you deserve to go to hell. I have intervened with actual child abuse happening in the parking lot of the apartment complex I live in, and I was terrified because I knew I had to stop the parent in a way that would not result in worse abuse for the child later, in the house. These people in the store were just using you as a target to self-congratulate their perceived moral superiority and obviously didn't give a damn about your nephews well-being.
?
2015-10-19 02:23:33 UTC
Personal choice, nobody will ever get done for giving their child a smack from time to time as a form of teaching the child not to misbehave.



Only said no to beating the child black and blue.



The boy learned that he wasn't to misbehave for what he wanted ?

He is 9 years old, is he likely to do it again now? No I don't think so !



Many people have different rules, and different views of parenting, there are no right and wrongs to parenting!

Nobody will ever agree with everyone else's parenting.



Like me for example:

My child has loads of rules- no sweets/crisps etc before dinner.

Only cereal or toast for breakfast.

She cannot run too far off in front else I will get her to hold my hand.

She cannot play out on the street- only in an enclosed garden.

She has her own personal hygiene stuff and I tell her to never share them such as ; hair brushes/hair accessories ....



The list could go on, I will put up with tantrums and moaning from her because she cannot run off too far in front, I know if she's out of sight she is vulnerable to be taken away/run over ... That's why I do it. But to other mums that allow their children to run off ahead out of sight- I am cruel.

I don't really care what those parents think of me, I am doing right by my child. She is 6 by the way!



Do what you feel is best. If that is a smack at the back of the legs etc then do it ( not beating) there are some very horrible, children out there- and it's not usually the ones that got a smack from time to time.
?
2015-10-19 20:08:32 UTC
I would have immediately put everything down, took the boy to the car, brought him home, spanked him there and then put him to bed fr the rest of the day. There is nothing wrong with spanking as long as it is not done out of anger, and you don't get carried away. As for those who suggest that you talk to the boy, they don't have kids or they would realize there is NO reasoning with a child in the midst of a tantrum - But often a swift stinging slap will snap them out of it. And for those anti spankers out there, when I was a kid NO CHILD ever had a tantrum in the store - As kids we wouldn't even consider it in the realm of possibilities. WHY? Because we knew we would be spanked immediately if we got out of hand.
ken613uk
2015-10-22 06:24:01 UTC
Trying to explain why a child's behaviour is unacceptable is like explaining to a dog that biting people isn't a good thing to do. You don't beat it within an inch of it's life but a gentle slap may be remembered, I think that this question about whether it is acceptable to physically admonish a child is from a country in which a driver can resolve a road rage incident by shooting an innocent child.
William
2015-10-19 13:48:32 UTC
It depends on the state you live in, I know in Mississippi it is okay to spank a child to discipline them but its never acceptable to spank them to the point of bruising them. I know of several Social service women who spank their children. go to google type in your states name and dhs rules for spankings. Spankings work for some kids others not so well Kids used to listen better when people would hand them out now it isn't PC so no one does it and everyone condemns those who do and at the same time wonders why their children act like hethens. Look up your states rules
?
2015-10-19 11:28:31 UTC
It is NEVER O.K to spank or hit a child in private or public. If you must discipline a child, try talking with the child..in a modulated tone. No need to scream, hit or spank. Believe me. the child will eventually get the message.

Spanking is a stupid think for an adult to do to a child ,.. it is bullying and adults do it because someone did it to them, and got away with it. It is brutal punishment.
?
2015-10-20 04:05:34 UTC
DON'T DO IT AT ALL . My parents used to beat me (Literally I'm not joking) and YES throwing a tantrum is wrong and I've realised it now. When I was young I was always so stubborn which resulted in A LOT of spanking BUT IT'S COMPLETELY WRONG DO NOT DO IT AT HOME OR IN PUBLIC. The child develops hate for you over time and when they get older they won't be able to stand you (I cannot stand my parents they just piss me off everyday) Tell them with a firm voice that it's wrong, grip their wrist and explain to them that NO it's wrong. Jeez parents these days
?
2015-10-20 06:06:49 UTC
. also the age a 11yo being spanked imagine a 20 yo in public being spanked in public that its a bit shameful maybe its that. if its a toddler people wont say a word I assure remember that's their point of view. I remember verdad punching a girlk accidentally with my left arm but she was a toddler if its a 16yo girl nene loco will find me and track me down and burn me. maybe the people saw an adult spanking a teenage adult like mentioned you can be 11yo but for others they saw 14yo-16yo somewhere there don't know.age is age but physique is another thing.confusioin can happen. verdad I remember wanting to hit a guy at 15 and all girls angry at me that's the limit. age confusion can happen.the ones starign at you saw a 14yo and the lady a 16yo it can happen infact look at the movies some children at 12 almost look "18". I was 11yo the incident with the girl. my dad when he was 11yo he was 6"0 that's almost an adult appearance it could be that.
Tara
2015-10-20 17:41:47 UTC
How dare you. I'm in no favor of doing that. It should only be allowed in a MUCH more severe case. I also wonder how hard you spanked him. My uncle always spanked my cousin so hard it left him red all over and you could see his hand printed in red on the child. I would advise you to never do that to a child. (Not assuming you spanked him that hard, I'm just saying if you ever do it, don't do it hard)
Karli
2015-10-20 14:42:27 UTC
By his cousin, do you mean that you were shopping for YOUR OWN child and excluding him? That's just low. He's eleven years old. Tell him to be quiet, or promise him that he'll get a special treat of his own if he is quiet there.

You should not have made him "fac[e] a wall" and cry alone.

What are you teaching your child exactly? That if you do something an adult doesn't like they will physically hurt you? In life as adults we don't receive physical punishment, do we? In fact, if we hit another adult, it's considered a crime. Yet we punish our children by hitting them. The logic is here is baffling.

No, you most certainly should not have smacked any little boy, whether it be in public or privately.
2015-10-18 13:24:21 UTC
Ehh, some people are a bit touchy on the idea of spanking, I don't think to really a good idea to in public, not because of something like it being "abuse" but more thinking of the kids embarrassment with all those people around- And some people out there think it is a form of abuse, though I was spanked when I was young and it definitely helped haha. Anyways in public, not so much, if he's having a tantrum, maybe do it when you get home, unless he stops, it all depends on the situation I suppose.
Jorge
2015-10-19 16:33:39 UTC
As far as my mother told me, she slapped me hard once on a supermarket when I was about 3 years old, because I wouldn't stop whining for whatever reason. I don't remember it, but my mother says that after that, I never whined again in public. Aside from that, I only remember being spanked about 2 or 3 times my whole life as a child, and those times were probably enough for me to learn. A one time slap doesn't kill anyone.
?
2015-10-20 22:49:41 UTC
Ok, so I really don't understand the amount of flack your getting for your question. I grew up in the whoop your **** generation. So like anything, there are times when its needed and not needed; also, it depends on the nature of the kid. I think you could get in trouble in public nowadays because we have Stepford wife opinions on parenting. Some parents even think raising your voice is "uncalled for." One you cannot do this in public, and two you can't do that on someone else's kid. That's a court date coming. So, if the other party is not ok with your disipline style, then they need to ask someone else to babysit. If you are in a situation where your mainly the guardian, then counseling will help you get various discipline skills and also find out why he is acting like that. I do wish my parents did less disiplining and more probing. But, that was not in my cards. I was only spanked like four times in my life, my sister less because my parents knew that she was more sensitive.
?
2015-10-18 21:27:21 UTC
It is a fact that all screaming children of all ages are, without exception, revealing a lack of discipline in either the child or the parent(s). There is no justifying or otherwise excusing such behavior; even babies can be quieted, or at the very least removed from a location. It's the duty of a parent(s) or guardian(s) to inconvenience themselves and their day's too-tight schedule not only for a child's sake but as a courtesy to others (if I wanted a screaming child I'd give birth to one or adopt it). Oh, and here's the point where I add that there's a difference between crying and screaming, and a lot of people who like to imagine they're good parents would do well to learn it. Not all adults are born to be parents, but it's usually a teachable quality, and it's okay to ask for help if you can't figure out what the hell you're supposed to be doing.



That said, children are humans, and like with adult humans, what amounts to public humiliation is going to be handled in different ways; some will conform to avoid further humiliation, others will resent and continue to act out in an effort to strike back. Neither is desirable, the latter for obvious reasons; the former can result in a person who doesn't take up for themselves when they should (i.e., the typical victim of an abusive relationship), because they're afraid of how people will react.



With that in mind, nonphysical methods should always be tried first, especially if the child is old enough to understand an abstract concept like good manners. Spanking should always be avoided if at all possible, particularly if it's preceded by frustration on the part of the one meting out the discipline, because the question then becomes not what the CHILD was doing wrong, but what the ADULT was doing wrong. An adult should always be in control—not merely of the child and the situation, but themselves as well.



There's no arguing that discipline is imperative, as it keeps society functioning, but an adult may be in as much need of it as a child, and it's important to find the actual reason for a lack of discipline and deal with THAT (perhaps your nephew was jealous of his cousin getting a present and there was room for you to deal with that more constructively . . . but did you ask to find out?); that is, treat the cause rather than the symptom. Discipline of any sort should never be administered by someone who's in an angry mindset; the line between discipline and abuse is very fine, and easily crossed by someone in that state of mind. It might seem like justice at the time, but after the fact a calm mind often regrets the degree of punishment that was dealt.



tl;dr version: What's best for a child should always be foremost on your mind when you have the responsibility of care. It's not okay to spank a child, in public or private, just because you want to shut them up as fast as possible or because you don't want to throw off your schedule. That's you being selfish, not you thinking of what's best for the child. It's up to you to make time for your nephew—as much time as necessary—so that you both know what to expect from each other. He's old enough to understand that there are consequences for bad behavior, and it's up to you to make sure he knows what privileges or rewards he stands to lose for any misbehavior. However, he might come from a permissive or inconsistent background, and he needs to know before you crack down that things have changed. And it's up to you to realize that a permissive or inconsistent background (if that's a problem) means he's going to need reminders and patience, because he's having to learn a new way of social interaction.
B.R
2015-10-20 16:11:24 UTC
I not only received spankings in public ,but also always with a strap or flat soled shoe AND with my pants pulled down as well. That's as humiliating as humanly possible a punishment I'd say? Yet afterwards I'd still misbehave ,so no to even a light swat in front of or in private in my opinion.
?
2015-10-20 10:33:35 UTC
I really really think hitting a child isn't necessary and believe me I work with children and am very down to earth, but really think that you shouldn't hit children for so many reasons. Not judging, but yes I think spanking a child in public or anywhere is not good.
?
2015-10-20 16:44:53 UTC
You want to correct the behavior. Spanking is punishment not correction so they don't actually learn to calm themselves down. If the children is doing this at 11 there is something wrong with him. Plus he's lost his parents & have to live with you so he's angry & hurting too. That's isn't the kind of child you spank.



Dont spank when you lose your temper. You're teaching him to lash out when he looses his temper. You want to teach him the opposite. How to cool down. I spanked mine lightly to get their attention not to hurt them if they are doing something dangerous. You always ignore a tantrum. An 11yr old laying on the floor is very abnormal. I hope he's in intensive therapy & being tested for all kinds of brain disorders.



A kid like that who isn't acting age appropriate has something wrong with him. It's hard raising kids like that. I hope you'll be able to get the support you need from his caseworker. Ask her about that.
?
2015-10-20 20:39:09 UTC
It is not good to spank a child because everything can be talked about or give some penalty or ground them.. don't make your children's make them learn that spanking is a good thing or else your ground child will suffer the same..
Camille
2015-10-19 09:03:29 UTC
I can see how the child may be embarrassed for having a spanking in public but shouldn't he feel more embarrassed for having a tantrum in public? A good parent would teach them that. "An understanding son is observing the law"- Proverbs 28:7. Therefore, teaching him why you are disciplining him before he receives the discipline will help him to be more obedient.
?
2015-10-22 15:24:26 UTC
Yes you did the right thing in spanking him and did the right thing in giving him time out right then and there. You should have also grounded him for a few days with no TV, no computer, no cell phone, no playing outside with friends and no music. That kid sure needs a lot of help. Next time he throws a tantrum, tell him that you will call the cops. He'll be so scared he will never throw a tantrum again.
Per
2015-10-20 17:31:20 UTC
Surprised so many people think spanking is okay. I'm sure you COULD grow to be a well functioning adult despite being spanked as a child. You see how I used the word DESPITE there?



No, I don't think violence is okay, period. Do anything but spanking your kids, it should never have to be necessary. Plus, you'll be learning your kid that hitting people is okay. You might be thinking "but i'm an adult, and my itention is to make him learn and..." blablabla. Kid's don't think like that. They see the person they look up to do something violent, and naturally assumes it's okay to do this to people that does something they don't like.



I don't think it's okay to spank a child at all.
Mariah
2015-10-24 12:04:52 UTC
I'm fine with spanking, and if you spank your child in front of me I won't care at all, but sadly most people today do. My mom has spanked me and my three sisters always, but she won't do it in public for her own sake. Someone will definitely overreact and call the police. It's best that you just punish him by making him sit in the cart or embarrass him by making him hold your hand or something. Save the spanking for home.
Tyler
2015-10-18 13:40:24 UTC
It's not okay to spank a child AT ALL. If you truly think the best way to raise and discipline a child is through pain, you don't deserve to have custody over children AT ALL. That's why they were giving you bad looks.
Frank
2015-10-22 15:09:42 UTC
This question requires an in-depth historical review on corporal punishment and its effectiveness, appropriateness, and necessity. Additionally, you will also need to consider societal and religious values and standpoints. In brief, the answer is "it depends" based on the criteria in your community. Some areas approve this form of discipline, while other areas loathe the act. If we were to zoom out on the scope of view, for this topic, you would find this act becomes a sub-topic of morality. In defining morality, you would learn that it is an "overall belief" of what is right and wrong. The majority determine morality, although history has proven time and time again the "overall belief" is not always the right way, so if you can set aside any emotional responses and decide logically (logically, meaning all other options have been heavily weighed) at the time of need that corporal punishment is the best form of discipline for the situation, then you can feel confident that your decision is most-likely correct.
?
2015-10-19 11:51:50 UTC
Punishing a child should be done in private. Public spankings make the parent look bad and it is humiliating for the child.
Claudette
2015-10-19 13:29:50 UTC
As long as the child is not injured and your not cussing him out or saying negative to things to him while your disciplining him. Some children need to know HOW to follow the rules of the family when out in public. Having a temper tantrum in public happens from time to time, nipping it in the bud right away should solve it from happening again. The main thing is he calmed down after facing the wall (for a moment).

People have their own ideas in how to discipline someone else's child in public while their own child is acting crazy behind their backs. Children get over things quickly and at the same time they remember when someone took the time to say, "no you can't have your way this time, get it together!" :)
Syed
2015-10-19 22:51:42 UTC
Spanking is perfectly ok. There is a difference between spanking and abuse and what you had done was not abuse it was something that had to be done in order to dicipline a child. Im 18 years old my parents used to hit us with hangers shoes belts etc when we really misbehaved. If it was something like us bothering them at a store we would just get slapped or yelled at. My little sister kept bugging my mom at the mall once and my mom slapped her in front of 2 workers and they looked at her like she just killed someone right in fromt of them, people need to stop over thinking things they should know that it can get difficult to control a kid at times and you need to use diciplinary action to control them. Alot of us got beatings as a diciplinary action and we turned out alright/normal. Overal, screw those people I wouldve done the same as you but probally more secretive. you didnt do anything wrong.
2015-10-20 20:13:54 UTC
Depends. If you did the spanking when you expose their buttocks and spanked it, maybe I see why they looked at you funny.

But other than that, I see no problem. I think spanking is a way to stop misbehaving kids who don't stop when they're told by a parent.
RebelPrincess
2015-10-18 15:23:50 UTC
Maybe it's because you were spanking an 11 year old. 😂😂😂

I quit letting anyone spank me when I was like 9/10.
?
2015-10-21 04:19:46 UTC
Nothing wrong with spanking -God has never changed His mind. What He said thousands of years ago, (Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. ) is not and never will be outdated. Who is man that he thinks he knows better than God.

However, be careful not to belittle your child in public. A tantrum at 3yrs old is one thing, but at 11 yrs old - I would handle differently. I would take him to the bathroom and spank him or reason with him and spank him at home.
?
2015-10-20 10:22:51 UTC
Are you an idiot? No it it's not okay to spank a child in public, do it in your house, but don't do it in the public!
pergo
2015-10-20 13:05:23 UTC
Just pinch them. It seems like everyone gets crazy when you hit a child. I couldn't do it in public like that but my kids have spoke back to me so nasty in public and it was embarrassing for me because they don't listen. So I see where your coming from because I want to spank them when they act like that but someone can report you. I don't see anything wrong with what you did.
Art
2015-10-21 16:58:28 UTC
It is no longer acceptable to spank children, there are laws against it. It's not all that effective anyway. If the kid is 11 he's way past the time it could even be effective. The simple solution is shake your head and walk away , a long way away. Tantrums are only effective if they have an audience that gives a damn and you are that audience. The kid was trying to embarrass you in public and get his own way , you hit the sucker, you embarrassed yourself in public , he may not of got his own way but somewhere in that pre adolescent mind he thinks he has you the next time.
Ranchmom1
2015-10-18 22:11:53 UTC
Someone who has just had a major life charge like this child often acts out inappropriately.



Striking him is about the last best thing a person could do in that situation.



Check out Parenting With Love and Logic, by Foster Kline and Jim Fay if this is a real situation.
?
2015-10-20 13:05:48 UTC
I was smacked by my parents when I was a boy because I was a little punk back then. I turned out all right as a man. Most of those people who are staring at you are probably mentally and silently applauding you as a good parent or find it amusing/entertaining. The child needs to learn self discipline as they grow up and you are giving tough love to the child. When he grows up, he's not going to be a cute little boy anymore. No one is going to give him special breaks when he becomes a pimple face teenager or krusty pot-belly balding middle-age adult. Just my 0.02¢.



“Life is hard it's harder when you're stupid!” - my former receiving Marine Drill Instructor in MCRD San Diego, December 1999.
cara
2015-10-19 09:26:57 UTC
Yes most definitely. It is not abusive or necessarily hitting. It is reminding them that they need to listen to whoevers in charge. However, I do not believe that anyone besides the parents should spank their child. But yes I do think it's ok.
2015-10-20 13:21:32 UTC
It's not okay to spank a child at all.
?
2015-10-18 15:04:12 UTC
never you can be turned in for child abuse which is very sad because some kids just need a good swift swat in the behind to get their attention. You were wrong to do it n public but I side with you.



When I misbehaved in a store I was sent out to the car. Can you imagine the uproar now if I sent my 6/7 year old to the car while I finished my monthly shopping?
?
2015-10-22 16:58:18 UTC
Look, if you do that in public then someone is definitely gonna call Child Protective Services on you and they'll take him away forever. Just don't. Makes you look crazy, even though you're not. I don't really "believe" spanking does anything though, but when he does this, walk back to your car and wait there, he'll be forced to follow you. And tell him how embarrassing that was for him-make him feel SO guilty. And I guess if you must, smack him around a lil bit if he's THAT out of control and is destroying things or whatever- but not in public. Don't take him shopping anymore to a place that has a toy aisle, EVER. and if he really wants to go with you, he has to agree not to do that again when you think he's matured more. That kid is middle school age, he's too damn old. In a few years time he'll be in high school. Unless they're "special", no kid that age should be acting like a 4 year old when they don't get what they want in the toy aisle.
?
2015-10-20 17:23:59 UTC
Only girl children. Then you can not hit them with your hand. A belt or bamboo switch may be used. At 11. Valuable Boy children should never be forced to loose face in public. Take them home and put them to constructive work. So they learn responsability. After all in a few years they will be getting a wife and need know responsbility and how to treat a wife if she misbehaves.
?
2015-10-18 17:32:32 UTC
Spanking a child is not alright, its teaching kids that if you inflict pain, you get respect. This can lead to serious problems, even if the spanks wern't bad.
Fabian
2015-10-19 09:27:13 UTC
In my opinion, spanking a child in your home or somewhere private is fine as long as it doesn't give them marks or legit hurt them. Spanking in public however, is NOT okay.
2015-10-24 10:42:34 UTC
First, no one should be bringing religion in to the this. Second- you don't spank the child for tantrums. You take the child out of the store. If you child hit you spank its hand. And for ***** sake, don't make him stand facing the wall. Do you want him to hate you? Are you trying to raise a serial killer? I feel sorry for that little boy.
2015-10-18 14:27:10 UTC
I get spanked still but not in public. he seems too old to be having a tantrum in toy aisle. when I was little and got in trouble when we were out, I got taken to the bathroom or the parking lot and got spanked. I was always embarrassed to death because my mom/dad would still take my pants down even when we were out.
?
2015-10-19 15:18:20 UTC
A sixth grader throwing a fit because a toy wasn't going to be purchase for him. He deserves more than a spanking.
gibbsmb
2015-10-20 20:24:30 UTC
This grandpa thinks you did the right thing provided you're physicality was limited to no more than it took to really get his attention. You may have had better options such as just grabbing by the arm & taking him to the corner..

I imagine all the simple solutions were already exhausted & the spanking was a last resort.
?
2015-10-20 13:10:18 UTC
No. When they throw a tantrum in a public place you should fall on the floor and throw a tantrum with them. Kick, scream, rant, rave and make the kid realize he or she looks just like you Usually they're so stunted, they shut up. If that don't work just give them a good whack on the backside and if anyone give you that liberal look, ask them if they would like a little.
2015-10-20 09:13:24 UTC
No, no need to humiliate the kid. Take him to the bathroom or the car or behind the building. Spanking a child right then and there on the spot indicates the parent is angry and is just reacting. Cool off for a moment, find some privacy, THEN bring down the pimp hand.
FLATTOP
2015-10-19 14:42:21 UTC
To all of you who say NO--- I was raised in the 50s'/60s' and you what --we had 0 school shootings; 0 school lock downs;0 kids hitting or saying the F word to teachers;0 kids divorcing their parents;0 doors locked at schools;0 kids hitting parents or the F word used at home;0 kids playing with REAL guns at home OR bringing them to school Why not you might ask? WELL we all had RESPECT for our parents; teachers;clergy AND police officers/LAW---- YOU see it all starts at HOME and if kids are not taght(yes even spanking) right from wrong at an early age --WELL you see what we have in todays' good ol USA.......
2015-10-21 12:28:30 UTC
So long as your spanking doesn't cross the line to beating, I see no problem with it. If more people had spanked their children over the last 30 years or so, we wouldn't be in as much trouble as we are now.
?
2015-10-20 04:13:34 UTC
If you get a rush out of being an idiot, then who cares what people think? Get creative maybe next time you can trip an old lady or just strip your clothes. There are all kinds of exercises in futility that you haven't even conceived yet. Think outside the box.
2015-10-18 13:37:25 UTC
Why are you spanking an 11 year old? Omg, I'd be so embarrassed if my dad did that to me especially at that age. I don't think it's abuse, but maybe a poor choice to do.
jason
2015-10-20 21:28:27 UTC
You can spank him but not in public
michael
2015-10-22 09:27:58 UTC
I am against spanking, I believe taking away privledges works the best, if worked for me when I was a child and it works for me now as an adult with two kids
2015-10-18 19:15:00 UTC
a spanking is given when a parent has lost control. back in most parents days it was a norm. but now it is no longer a norm.

their are better ways to deal with a tantrum such as coming to eye level and saying no toy or you can loose a toy when you get home. timeout ETC
?
2015-10-21 01:51:09 UTC
in my place, people spank children in public if the child is too naughty,and people dont think that is a matter if it is not extremly. but rather dont need to spank in public, cuz it is embarrassing. rather not
Cheek2Cheek Designs
2015-10-18 14:48:14 UTC
If you did EVERYTHING you did to try to get him to stop first, then yes. It isn't abuse. For those talking about the humiliation, it is more humiliating to have him sit there crying... You will get looked at and silent prayers will be said to get the child to shut up, already. It is best to do it in a bathroom to avoid too much humiliation, and it shouldn't be hard, at least not at first. Start with a "warning pat" and if he keeps doing slowly get harder.
Ayanna
2015-10-19 21:42:09 UTC
when I was in the pet store with my mom and sister and friend, I saw a child hitting a dog, with his shoe! So his father slapped him. I think he deserved it. When we were about to leave my sister and friend said that they saw a kid get spanked by the father and they were saying that it was bad but i interrupted them by saying that he was hitting a dog. It's normal kid behavior to have tantrums and nobody wants to see a kid get hit. so no don't spank a kid in public I think it depends what they get hit for but in the country your in, nobody likes it. (I'm in Saudi Arabia)
Not My Name
2015-10-18 19:52:23 UTC
Congrats. You were able to hit a kids.

"it's just a spanking though!"



well, do that on any other part of his body and he'd be hauled off by CPS.
?
2015-10-20 23:53:43 UTC
i will not accept spank in public, but spank reminds your child, no do the same mistake again
Kilah
2015-10-23 10:32:48 UTC
yes it is, the child is 11 years old. he should not be throwing a "tantrum" in the first place. discipline is the reason most kids go haywire. if there is no discipline, the child will very soon be a major problem. if other people are looking at you crazy either 1- they dont discipline there kid, and their kid is a problem, or 2- they do not have kids. you did the right thing
?
2015-10-24 11:00:21 UTC
Yes it is OK. When I was bad my mom and dad would beat me with an iron fire prodding stick and I turned out just fine. Spankings are like a slap on the wrist.
raven
2015-10-20 17:39:07 UTC
Don't, but if he does something quite bad like running in the middle of the road that puts his life in danger, tell him to quit it. If he does it again, spank him.
?
2015-10-21 09:29:18 UTC
No it's embarassing for both you and the child. I'm no parent but when my lil siblings are acting up in public I just crouch down grab their arms and yell at them with my clenched teeth and quiet aggressive voice lol. usually scares them right.
Sirbu
2015-10-19 09:38:20 UTC
It's not okay to spank your kid anywhere, that's physical abuse, even if the kid is a brat u still should not spank him, maybe talk to him,ground him might work but not spank him
stevefwb
2015-10-19 13:23:30 UTC
sounds like you did the right thing! the child was trying to set limits, show he was in charge. you showed him you were in charge. think you have helped him adjust to the idea of you as in charge.

those holier than those that said the ugly things probably have issues at home with their own kids. I wouldn't worry about them. remember you have that kid to take care of, and you are doing an honest job and doing your best.



its your job to keep that kid safe. spanking his bottom will keep him in line. and that will help him be a good man someday.
?
2015-10-20 21:14:06 UTC
Well you can't him in public because people will of course observe and bad mouth you. That's why you so it somewhere private, like the bathroom or behind the car
rimfire
2015-10-19 20:30:41 UTC
A firm swat gets the attention of a young self-willed mind. If it s more than that you got other problems. Firmness with patience and consistency rather than a show of physical dominance is probably the best bet in most situations.
Linda R
2015-10-21 11:21:45 UTC
At least YOU did the right thing and your nephew learned his lesson from

his bad behavior. Others should have just minded their own business.

I'd rather see a parent discipline their child than to allow the child to

be a brat.
2015-10-19 03:00:20 UTC
Well.. Did your parents spank u as a child ?
2015-10-20 09:21:44 UTC
Think about it, spanking is bad enough, in public, I shall let you be the judge.
Chester
2015-10-21 16:56:08 UTC
It's better not in public. A good spanking disciplines a child. But please don't do it in public. It embarrasses the child
fake
2015-10-20 17:25:14 UTC
YES SPANK A CHILD IN PUBLIC. YOUR ALLOWED TO DO IT! TRUST ME IT WORKS! PEOPLE LAUGH ALL THE TIME!
?
2015-10-19 16:20:22 UTC
You need to not take him with.you in the toy isle, buy the toy when you are alone,.if you.know.he was.going.to do that why did.you take him there, and also before going to he store with.him.tell him what you are buying and only buy what you told him so he will understand that you will buy him a toy when you tell him, also the standing in the way was a little not too much, you could of talked to him in the car about it but don't scream at him...
Zigg
2015-10-19 04:56:37 UTC
Yes
?
2015-10-20 07:48:13 UTC
Yes and in private too if deserved, spanking for correction is one thing, beating is entirely different...
2015-10-20 13:12:03 UTC
now these days the police will probably be called because alot of people look at it as abuse but let mine act up in the public i'm not going to wait til i get home. if they wanna act in the public i'm gonna act up in the public with them.
2015-10-19 19:58:57 UTC
Yeah sure, totally demoralise them and make them ashamed around their peers and to walk the street, then everyone will know you are really cool and just. best yet take your belt off and flog them ion the Town square, then through them in the stocks so passerbys can through fruit and veges at them.

I'm sure the thing you ar pounishing them for will be remembered.
?
2015-10-19 07:54:25 UTC
I believe it is totally okay to spank your kid because in my dictionary it is called discipline. BUT, i would honestly avoid doing so in public just to avoid any problems or "dirty looks" from people as you call them.
?
2015-10-23 17:48:13 UTC
I think you did the right thing. He acted up and embarrassed you in public. See, he got the message, and acted accordingly the rest of the trip. I know you didn't want to do it. As long as you didn't beat him about the head, punch him in his belly, slap him in his face, or brutalize him, it's okay with me. It beats getting killed later in life. He knows not to act up in public now.
Jared Darty
2015-10-19 14:03:59 UTC
Lets reword that. Is it okay to hit your pet or spouse, or stranger in public? No? Okay then. Show your kids you love them, but don't show you hit them. There are other ways to show they are responsible for their actions, and you can make them into good, moral, citizens.
Melanie
2015-10-22 18:50:01 UTC
YEs, but not in public. Not to shame the child or anything, only to teach them something is wrong.
2015-10-18 13:59:59 UTC
I not only wouldn't do it THAT publicly for fear of other parent's reaction, I wouldnt do it because I wouldnt want to humiliate my child. Surely a bathroom or car was not THAT hard to get to.....
2015-10-18 13:30:06 UTC
The people staring are liberal panty wastes who will raise children that will some day go on a shooting spree.



Is it worth the scorn of complete strangers to keep this from happening?
Periferalist
2015-10-19 10:10:49 UTC
Temporary custody or not, your nephew isn't your child, and at 11 years old, he's old enough to be reasoned with. You blew it, Bill.
Becky
2015-10-22 09:47:58 UTC
Don't spank at all.
?
2015-10-19 05:13:08 UTC
Tom Cruise is 11?
Leonardo
2015-10-20 18:28:35 UTC
I don't think it is correct to do it in public, better do it somewhere private
?
2015-10-19 07:47:16 UTC
I like being spanked ;)
2015-10-19 08:22:57 UTC
It's your wish, if it was your child it's none of their business as long as you weren't doing this out of anger but for deciplining him softly.
?
2015-10-20 22:14:22 UTC
Is it OK to beat the **** out of a pop aren't hitting their kid in public? Answer: *** YEAH!
Kat
2015-10-23 21:14:36 UTC
Your the parent and how you raise AND punish your child (within the extent of the law) should be your decition, but in the real world, probly not the best idea cause people think they know everything.
2015-10-18 19:58:48 UTC
when I have children, there will be NO physical punishment. thats just my beliefs. I don't think it is ever okay to go around putting your hands on ANYONE or slapping them around especially since you feel like you have the "right" or authority too simply because your an adult. we don't go around slapping our co workers when they do something wrong just because we are their boss, so why is it okay to hit our children?
thumper
2015-10-19 12:16:43 UTC
no not ok to spank at all
Logan
2015-10-20 16:47:55 UTC
Na, Don't cause a scene
tania
2015-10-21 03:28:03 UTC
No just tell them if they dont start behaving ull phone thier parents or if u have any xbox or playstation etc for them at ur house say that it will be taken off them
2015-10-18 14:09:20 UTC
No, bad idea. Many people today believe spanking is abuse (which, obviously, it's not), so just promise him a spanking later.



Damn, 4 thumbs down? Commies these days...
james
2015-10-19 16:08:37 UTC
no not at all that is A child abuse if you get caught you will be having Child Protective Services on you
Simon
2015-10-19 17:29:16 UTC
If parents, do it, that'll attract attention, and maybe help for the child.
?
2015-10-19 14:07:12 UTC
Congratulations on disciplining your nephew on the spot letting him know who the boss. I bet anyone on here $10.00 that he won't act up again when he's with you~
Tasm
2015-10-24 00:46:26 UTC
That kid is spoiled rotten if he throws a fit for not getting a toy at age 11.
Gareth
2015-10-22 01:52:10 UTC
No?-Never anywhere-Not just in 'Public!'
niceguy55
2015-10-20 15:12:24 UTC
Well in public...it would be pretty awkward doing that with all the people staring at you, even the associates at the stores.
2015-10-18 22:43:38 UTC
yes a child must be punished whilst the Crime is still fresh in its ind no point in the next day the child has forgotten what it did
2015-10-21 15:14:56 UTC
Years ago my cousin was annoying my uncle at Cedar Point so my uncle kicked his butt. Someone called the security guard on him.
Young
2015-10-19 08:36:17 UTC
Unless you want to get a bunch of attention
Larrick
2015-10-19 11:36:06 UTC
Yeah spank that little ***** he he act up!
Nick
2015-10-20 18:28:10 UTC
Yes if they deserve it but only IF they deserve it but otherwise NO because that may or may not be child abuse
2015-10-19 20:50:46 UTC
Only if you wish to go to jail. One of the blue nosed moralist will

make the call. Count on it.
?
2015-10-19 15:10:51 UTC
Yes its fine

Ignore the starers and those that make negative comments, they are morons
?
2015-10-20 09:31:10 UTC
Yes but only in Target or Walmart, anywhere else is inexcusable. #ghettostores
2015-10-22 20:51:03 UTC
Not any more. Make sure you do it in private. And don't spare the belt.
No
2015-10-23 19:44:52 UTC
Child abuse. Your a horrible person go drink bleach
?
2015-10-19 05:48:40 UTC
No it makes your family look bad
2015-10-18 15:54:25 UTC
😰



It's legal, but slowly becoming socially taboo.



😢 😮🚬



😄🚬
lucas
2015-10-21 03:19:20 UTC
yes kids need to be disciplined
Michelle
2015-10-19 08:35:56 UTC
No don't think so
Mark
2015-10-19 08:42:07 UTC
http://Job4Living.com/?ref=53808
2015-10-20 14:43:19 UTC
Ya, who cares.
2015-10-18 22:38:56 UTC
a peadohile troll *achee*
2015-10-19 20:35:58 UTC
Slap the kid and show him some respect.
s
2015-10-20 01:15:39 UTC
whoop his ***... dont know why i should say his, but it sounds about right. aint nobody above an asswhooping
mike
2015-10-20 21:31:23 UTC
nah **** target hes cool
2015-10-19 08:36:00 UTC
don't know properly
2015-10-22 02:34:31 UTC
ITS OK AND SHOULD BE REQUIRED

THAT LADY IS SATAN HER SELF , SO DON'T LISTEN TO SATAN OK?
YouCantSeeME
2015-10-22 21:59:44 UTC
Tell her hell doesnt exist anyhow.
?
2015-10-22 23:34:27 UTC
Twist his ears and pinch his butt.
wldswede
2015-10-18 14:57:02 UTC
It not okay to assault anyone ever.
2015-10-20 08:50:01 UTC
It is ok.
2015-10-21 18:23:40 UTC
No
Sarah
2015-10-21 04:17:46 UTC
No
?
2015-10-18 13:57:50 UTC
wtf, he is WAY TOO OLD TO BE spanked..wtf is wrong with you? you need to be smacked across the head..see how you like that...jerk
?
2015-10-18 21:09:27 UTC
No...absolutely not!
?
2015-10-19 20:24:45 UTC
No, it is not ok.
?
2015-10-21 23:59:18 UTC
no
Art G
2015-10-19 07:20:18 UTC
YES !
qwerty
2015-10-21 05:31:39 UTC
No...


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